Submitted by Nancy Bergeron, R.Psych. | info@nancybergeron.ca
How to ‘Hold Space’ for Someone
As a therapist I do many things that are educational, directive, and methodological. However, there is a magic that happens in the room when I seem to do nothing at all. All it looks like is a slight nodding of my head and/or a concerned expression on my face. But what’s really happening is that I am holding space for my client.
To hold space for someone means to offer them your presence, attention, and support without judgement or interruption. It involves creating a safe and accepting environment for them to express themselves fully, without feeling rushed or invalidated. It’s about being fully present for someone, and allowing them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly.
People are starving for a witness to their existence. Why do you think Instagram and Tik Tok are so popular. Sometimes the therapy is just there to listen, not to fix anything. A majority of the time, the answers lie within my clients. We live in a society where we praise those who are always talking, and say so little about those who are great at listening.
Therapists hold space by actively listening, being empathetic, and creating a safe environment for our clients. We provide unconditional support and encouragement for our clients to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Therapists also offer validation, understanding and guidance as needed, while allowing our clients to lead the conversation and set their own pace for their healing journey. We live in a fast paced, fix it, task-oriented world, and we miss the opportunities to hold space.
Many times, my first session starts with a client stating their problem and asking me how to fix it. That’s my cue to slow things down. When they say “what do you think I should do?” I like to answer with “how do you see this unfolding, or what are your thoughts on some of the choices you’ve thought about?” Most times, just slowing things down and allowing folks to feel relaxed, safe, and heard, they can come to their own decisions and empowerment. They truly just needed to feel okay with being in their emotions and that I will listen without judgement.
How can you hold space for the people in your life? Be present. Your physical presence can be more powerful than any words. Listen actively by not interrupting and allowing them to express their feelings. When they are done pouring out their heart, validate the feelings they shared. Do not engage in clichés as they can feel dismissing. Respect their process of working through intense feelings. Check in with them regularly. And finally, offer practical support by asking if you can take over a specific task. Asking them to reach out to you if they need anything falls flat as they are in their emotional brain and do not have the capacity to constructively think about what they actually need help with.